Methadone Uses

Question by Ok: My Mom Has Lost it Over My Brother’s Death?
My brother overdosed over a year ago on Methadone after he got off of heroine. My mother let him stay with her even though he was lying all of the time and didn’t work. She paid for his drugs when he was on heroin and she paid for his prescriptions (which he abused) when he got off it. Anything to keep him off the streets is what she thought. He had a lot of problems before the overdose, he needed help and he was losing it. I knew it and kept warning my mom who was in denial. I eventually found track marks on his arms, he was injecting his oral methadone and taking way too many anti anxiety meds. I warned her she’s going to find him dead (a year before it actually happened) but she just ignored me. I moved out of the state and got a call from her around 4am my time that she found him dead. It was the worst day of my life. She was all alone and I had left them, her, to be with my husband and away from the daily chaos and denial. I felt responsible. I know now that I’m not but I wish that I could have convinced her or helped him get help.

That’s not the main issue. Over the last year and a half, I’ve come to grips with his death. It isn’t easy and I still have my bad says but I’m so much better. I used to take sleeping pills in the day to not be awake. I constantly looked over my shoulder waiting for death to take me too. I was only 2 years younger than him so if he wasn’t meant to live that long, then I must not either. Those irrational fears have finally left me. However it’s really hard because of my mom. She can’t deal with his death. She’s the one that found him and I know it’s traumatized her but she’s never seeked help. She won’t talk about anything that lead up to it. She is all alone because she’s pushed everyone out of her life over the years. That is another reason why she was so co dependent on my brother. She even blamed me for his death because my brother and I got in a huge fight right before he overdosed and he went to jail over it. I’ve learned to forgive her and I let her back in mine and my husband’s life because I know she’s all alone.

OK MAIN PROBLEM! She’s obsessed with spirits and she doesn’t believe in God anymore, she only believes in spirits and psychic mediums. She believes my brother is always with her, like literally with her, she’s admitted to talking to him. She’s obsessed with looking for signs from him. She could pick a rock up off the ground and say he sent it to her as a sign. She hears voices in her head responding to her thoughts and she believes it’s him talking to her telepathically. She meditates so she can contact him and after reading tons of books, she believes she can let him into her dreams. She’s always telling family that he’s with her. Whenever I meet up with her, our conversations and everything revolves around him. If a crow flies over us on a walk, it’s a sign from him. If a certain song comes on the radio, he put it on there. We’re going on a family trip and she told everyone that me, my husband and my brother are going on the trip with her. I don’t know what to do. She won’t get help. I’ve asked her to talk to a therapist and she gets really angry and upset and won’t talk to me. I hate her being mad at me because she’s helped me with so much. But it’s embarrassing inviting her over to my parent in laws house because she’ll only say these things to me and my husband, it makes things awkward. In no way do I want to forget my brother, or only focus on the bad choices he made. I do want to remember him in his good times. But I don’t know how to deal with my mom and I don’t think her behavior is normal but she won’t get help and I don’t want to push her away because she is my mom and I love her. But I fear having kids and she talks all this crazy talk around them and tells them that my brother is watching over them and is in the room with us all of the time, I don’t want them growing up thinking its normal.

Please give your advice! Thanks 🙂

Best answer:

Answer by Bronnii
when my daughter was stillborn, it took 6 years before I was ready to accept help for it & in that time I completely lost the plot, and that was without the codependent & enabling relationship that your mum had. I would say she is probably hiding a whole heap of guilt over what has happened & the world she is building around her is more livable than reality – I know it was that way for me. The only way you can force her to get help is if she is in danger of harming herself or someone else, otherwise there is not much you can do. Losing a child in any circumstances is the worst thing a person can go through & it is not unusual at all for a parent to lose the plot for a while after it happens and as she is doing wanting to be close to him. I still have certain things that are signs of my daughter, same for my partner who I lost & my dog even and that is long time into the road of grief. I also still like to think that I can connect with them in some way – it helps to get through the grief.

Answer by Stacy
I am sorry of your brother’s death. I have also lost a loved one due to drugs. It is not easy and yes you do go through some guilt and anxiety unnecessarily, but that is human nature. Your mother needs to seek out professional help. She has not gone through the grieving cycle as you have, therefore her only option is to do what she thinks is best. You cannot be responsible for your mother’s behaviors and actions, only she can. You can be supportive and attempt to convince her she needs to seek out professional help, such as counseling and therapy but you cannot push her to go through it. I can only wish you the best and hope you remain supportive towards her but do not help her to indulge in her beliefs. Let her know how you feel and the fact that you are worried about what she ill state to your children and the point that when you do bring her over to your in-laws she will not communicate with them. Right now she is obsessed with the death of your brother and until she gets help and goes through the stages of the grieving cycle there is not much more you can do.

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